Let there Be Light

Last night as I was reading my book the room suddenly grew dark. Panic set in as I looked up at the ceiling light and realized I couldn't see a thing! I was blind! I cried out for help knowing no one would hear my call; I was home alone. I was now completely taken over with panic and I started shaking. The more I shook, the more I could see light! I stood up and shook my head back and forth (a bit of a head banging motion) I was now able to see everything around me again. I fell to my knees crying for joy. By this time my family returned to find me crumpled on the floor sobbing. As my daughter helped me to my feet she explained my temporary blindness (mind you she has no medical training whatsoever); I was calmed. She then led me to the bathroom, put a towel around my neck, and trimmed my bangs.

My Lucky Day

When I got to the gym this morning I saw a penny on the ground and thought:
Find a penny, pick it up
All the day you'll have good luck!

yeah, right.
.....good luck!

When I got to the Spin Class all the bikes were taken so I went in the pool; the water was so warm it was difficult to work out.

I didn't know this until I returned home but we lost power for a moment during the night. That explained why I overslept and didn't get a bike for the class.

I had to reset the microwave and bedroom clocks.

Normally I just let my dog out the back door; this weekend we are dog-sitting a dog that needs boundaries, i.e., a fenced yard. While walking the little pooch I stepped in "something"; had to hose off the bottom of my shoe.

Any extra time I had this morning was making me late for work.

Expecting to be the only one in the office today I was looking forward to playing the radio a little louder and getting caught up. My alone time lasted until about 8:02, the receptionist decided not to take a vacation day. I thought I talked a lot; she has me beat hands down. I was able to sneak away when someone else walked in and she started her story all over again.

Because of the power failure the internet was out and I got two phone calls from home about it. My advice was just call the cable company; I knew full well all they would have to do was unplug everything for a reset. If this were the first time I would have just mentioned that .......

A customer came by unexpected and aiming to please, I met with her. During our conversation I suddenly got a dry spot in my throat that coughing wouldn't relieve. There I sat choking, eyes tearing and voice sounding like I was sucking in helium.

Fortunately, at the end of the day I didn't get to the parking lot when I realized my car keys were still on my desk. Unfortunately, my office is about a block and a half from the back door.

I broke a finger nail when the door slipped out of my hand.

After work I ran; then ran into a couple of neighbor friends. After chatting for thirty minutes I began to get stiff from not stretching right away.

I walked the rest of the way home and saw a shiny penny on the street. I left it there.

School's Almost Out for Summer!

I'm so glad school is almost over for the year. I've been asked to help "study" for the last time. I don't know about other parents but at this stage in the game I don't want to "study", but I do. I'd like to share my rather unorthodox ways of getting the correct answers.

First I try by making up a question using the whole statement but omitting one word. For example: Trees have green leaves. My question would be: Trees have green.....? I'm not that good making up questions, too much reading so I have other ways to get the answers out.

My next tactic is to begin to spell out the first word, than the second and third.... when that fails there is the slow, gentle whisper of the first syl.... then second la.... and finally the last ....ble of the answer. That usually works so the next move is rhyming words, and my favorite, charades! This is when I begin to enjoy helping out.

The buzz of her texting machine drew a "don't you dare " look from me. And I continued to coax answers.

We were muddling through the seven deadly sins. I'm making acronyms for another list and continuing with the charades. We were having too much fun, when I admitted that I thought I would be great in a game of charades. She agreed, but added, only if I was playing by myself and in front of a mirror. I think disrespect should have been on that sin list.

I was off the hook when the phone buzzed again and she went to a friend's to study chemistry.

This is Sickening

At about midnight I woke up and didn't feel right; it took me until 3:00am to get sick. I immediately felt better and went back to bed thinking that was the end of it. I was wrong; the next half hour found me back in the bathroom two more times. Getting up so often was making me dizzy and I made a pillow of towels and slept there for awhile. Good thing I did.....

I do goofy things and have goofy thoughts when I'm sick. I would never think of cleaning the bathroom, the toilet in particular, without wearing my rubber gloves; when I'm sick, i.e., puking my guts out, the toilet is my friend. That big bear hug I reserve for those closest to me belongs exclusively to my porcelain buddy. Sitting there on the floor with my head practically consumed by a toilet I have an odd sense of comfort knowing that if I don't choke, I'll be feeling better any moment. I have never choked and always feel better.

Back in bed my uncovered foot and arm are giving me the chills. I pull the sheet up to my chin and feel warm immediately. The problem is now I'm too warm; this goes on for awhile until sleep returns. I'm awake again and I find myself hugging the toilet. I don't know if I'll make it; it's all I can do to get back to bed. I'm concerned that the sheet will get pulled over my head. I am reassured by my daught (sic) that I will be ok and as usual I'm being "so dramatic". I guess crawling down the hall to her room at 6:00 this morning and weakly calling out her name for help may have had something to do with the dramatic comment. Cut me some slack here, I never get sick, don't know how to deal with it. She patted me on the head as she was kindly on her way to the store for some over-the -counter meds and reminded me not to touch anything on her bed.

I awoke forty minutes later in my own bed, (how did I get there?) I found some saltines and a glass of water waiting for me. Stale saltines don't taste all that bad. I must be on the road to recovery or still too weak to change the channel; I'm not feeling a bit nauseous watching Bobby Flay whip up some gooey barbeque on The Food Channel.

Self-Cleaning Oven

I used to live in a two room apartment; kitchen and bedroom/living room. The closeness of the rooms was convenient; when I got hungry in the middle of the night, I'd just roll out of bed and open the fridge. During the winter I'd leave the oven on at about 200F to dry my mittens or keep the "bedroom" warm. Another feature of my oven was its self-cleaning capability.

One rainy Saturday afternoon I noticed the bottom of the oven dotted with cheese from frozen pizzas along with black french fries and greasy crumbs and decided it was time to let the oven clean itself. I turned the knob as far as I could when I heard the loud click of the door automatically closing. The oven was on its own. I sat back with a good book to let it do its thing. In about seven minutes a stream of smoke began to seep through the side of the oven door where the gasket was worn. As the minutes went by a noxious plume of smoke filled the kitchen. I had no place to hide. I tripped over the door stop running to the only window in that tiny apartment. Frantically, I cranked open the window as I realized it was garbage day and still raining out. A light went on in my head at the thought of having to run down three flights of stairs, around to the back of the building in the rain only to struggle to open the dumpster lid. I pried open the oven door before its cleaning cycle was complete and tossed the trash in the oven. It was burning anything and everything that stuck to its bottom and sides so what harm would a few coffee grounds and chicken bones do?

The smoke was getting out of hand. I had to get out of there! The apartment door slammed behind me and I ran down the hall and knocked on my neighbor's door. (I'd been wanting to meet the cute guy in 3B for some time and now was as good a time as any). There was a moment when I wondered if I would be criminally negligent if the building burned down. Those thoughts quickly passed after he invited me in, handed me a glass of wine and helped me out of my shoes........

This Will Curl Your Hair

My curling iron broke, actually it fell apart. I didn't think I was that rough with it but now I had to replace it. This is not a purchase that can be put off; I'd had to go out the same day and get a new one for the next morning. This is a pretty simple purchase or at least it should be.

I said I'd be back in about thirty minutes; the drive to and from the store is nine minutes, time in the store, to go to the cosmetics department, pick up the new appliance and check out another nine minutes. Okay, allow for a line at check out and I'm up to12 minutes; total of 21 minutes gone.

An hour later I'm still in the store. It's not what you think; I didn't have my hands full of impulse buying, I didn't run into a neighbor and the register didn't run out of receipt tape. The holdup was three choices of curling irons. The price range was $13.97 to $24.97. All of them heat up in 30 seconds, shut off automatically and have an easy to clean 1 1/2 " ceramic barrel. Two were black, the other red. Two were the same brand that I already own, but one had a digital read of the temperature, so you can know how hot it is. I usually just spit on my finger and touch the barrel, if it sizzles, it's hot enough. They all do the same thing, and pretty much have the same lifespan.

After about 10 minutes standing in the aisle reading the package as if this was the first curling iron I will ever own, I decided on the $25 one with the digital readout. On my way to the checkout I realize that is dumb. Why do I need to spend ten more dollars to know how hot the iron? Back in the aisle I choose the mid-price red iron; I've never had a red curling iron before. I've just chewed up another 15 minutes but this time I didn't get out of the aisle when I turned around to put the red one back and take the cheapest one on the rack. It's the same one I'm replacing, I know how it works and sizzles.

Actually, since I bought the same item I already had, my time in the store should have been about 3 minutes. What really is upsetting is knowing that I have to pick out wall paper soon; so many books and so many pages in each book. I may have to take a day off work for that project.

Epilogue

Things Are Never So Simple

I happened to mention this to a friend and was told I should have bought the digital one since it sounded cool and didn't cost that much more.

I should mention that I was shopping at Wally World and had the "must-save" mentality working for me and I was also one step ahead of my friend; I've been back to the store and returned it for the digital one. But the story doesn't stop there.........

When I found myself back in the curling iron aisle with the digital model in my hand I noticed the straighteners on the other side of the aisle. I thought I could use a new one until I saw all the choices I'd have to make. There was one that can be used on wet hair; it might be nice not to have to dry first. Before I go any further, if you 're a man, you may be wondering why I would be interested in a hair straightener if I'm shopping for a curling iron. Let me explain: after drying you can't just use the curling iron, your hair has to be smoothed out before it can be curled. Yes, you heard me right. Please don't try to debate this, accept it as fact from someone who does it every day. There was also an iron with rounded edges to curl the hair and it came with an instructional DVD! I decided enough was enough and I will leave the store after doing what I planned to do. It was then when I saw a clerk pushing a cart of Hostess cupcakes; I had to will every part of my being to ignore that and check out with my new digital readout curling iron. When I got home I baked some cookies.